::Goodbye old friend, hello new love

Well, as I sit in my comfy PJs on my favorite couch spot...I can't help but think 1- I'm totally a grandma now and 2- wow, it's been a pretty crazy year! 1 because it's like 10:30 and I'm sitting on my couch in my PJs thinking, "you know, I don't really care to stay up til 12 just to say Happy New Year". I've seen one before, it ain't no thang. 2-Well, that takes a little more explaining.

Well, there was graduation, Mayhem, job hunting, house hunting (still continuing unfortunately), first anniversaries, friends married and moved away, friends' births and new found pregnancies, broken hearts, new beginnings, bittersweet endings, regrets, and nothing but blind hope and romantic idealism leading the way into 2008. This year had some major ups and downs, some lost confidences and some glaring realizations that I could've done without; but at the same time, were inevitably necessary.

I still don't feel like an adult most days. Walking up to work every morning is still a bit daunting, though the job has gotten Much better, thank you. Friendships are slowly being formed. Apathy continues to grasp hold with the jaws of life and it's getting harder by the day to shake it. But frustrated though I may be...there's always that voice. That push onwards. Church is becoming to play a more crucial role in my life. Interestingly, because now I would consider myself less involved. It's funny how God will use the mundane (by this I don't mean boring, rather, typical) to affect you.

I often get frustrated I think by the lack of change in myself. I think I've always considered the "new creation" was instantaneous. But it's not. And that's kinda hard to deal with. It's constant sanctification and justification. It's constant repentance. It almost gets to the point (if not does completely) of overwhelming inadequecy.

Something was said recently that kinda struck me and that was "We're living the same as everyone else, except we expect God to bless our self-interests". Chew on that for a couple days and let me know what you come up with. I mean...yah.

It's just inconceivable to think of what we have left to accomplish. You know? I don't wanna get to the end of the play (so it were) and realize that Act 3 really would've been better this way, or Act 5 shouldn't have been cut out or Act 9 never had just that right tone. Not that I'm worried about regrets so much as I am about dissapointing him who should have no dissapointments. To think of him coming back to the church of Laodecia, self-righteous, self-absorped, complacently forgetful of the reason we're here or how we ever got here in the first place.

Let's just say there are some things to do and change in 2008. Help us all!